The only reason Luke asks is because he often sees me standing in front of the mirror before we leave the house, a few tubes and bottles spilling out of the cosmetics case, my mouth slightly open, my eyes a little angry in concentration.
“Why are you putting that on?” Other than once stealing my eyeliner to draw a beard and mustache on himself, his gruff little three-year-old mind doesn’t see the appeal.
“Because I like it,” I say, the laziest answer I can give.
“Does it make ladies look pretty?”
That makes me pause a little. It would be easy to say “Yes,” or “It’s fun,” and continue trying to make my eyeliner even. I do wear more makeup than I used to. I know more about it, and my unfortunate days of bright blue eyeshadow (college) are over. I think about the layers I put on: primer, foundation, powder, blush. How my difficult olive skin tone makes it nearly impossible to find a foundation that matches. How I would have a Bert-style unibrow (really) if I wasn’t vigilant plucking my hair.
“It doesn’t have the power to make anyone beautiful,” I start. Luke is obsessed with asking if people have power and/or strength right now, so that’s a key word for him. “It’s fun and helps me celebrate, like wearing nice clothes can help me celebrate or show I’m happy about something.”
His eyebrows relax. The mystery is solved. Luke has a hat he’s obsessed with right now, and wearing it makes him feel about eight feet tall. He sees what I mean. I just hope that I see what I mean, too.
I started wearing cosmetics when I was younger and began to have severe acne. Leaving the house without at least a little cover-up on would make me distracted, worried, obsessed with the asymmetrical marks on my face. At its worst, acne can be bad enough to be physically painful, but it was a source of pride when I could coax and gather foundation into just the right alignment to mask everything. It smoothed everything out, made it blank, made it calm. It was something I felt I needed.
What has changed, if anything? Well, now I have so many marks on my body that a truckload of foundation would have trouble covering them. Stretch marks, moles, freckles, acne scars (the worst is over), a couple of rogue pimples who keep cropping up and refuse to believe their reign is over, scars from various removals and incisions, and scrapes from the baby’s sharp fingernails. All of this general imperfection, however, has helped me to relax (slightly) and have a little more fun (sometimes).
Right now there are many conflicting messages aimed at women involving cosmetics: No makeup is best, don’t buy into THE SYSTEM because it’s just to please men! Actually, you must have JUST enough makeup to make you look awake, come on, no one wants to see you really makeup free, but it must be perfectly subtle. Actually, wearing makeup is the best because it proves you respect yourself and LOVE YOUR FEMININITY! People complaining about feeling shamed for not wearing makeup. People complaining about feeling shamed for wearing makeup.
Rather than making a black-and-white, all or nothing statement about the inherent “virtues” of cosmetics (or lack thereof), I am trying to think about my motivations, not the action of adorning itself. For me, cosmetics, like developing a personal style, can be healthy and fun when it’s approached as a celebration and adornment of a personal, three-dimensional individual, not a fetishization of certain elements of that individual. If it contributes to me treating myself as a subject, not an object, it remains a good thing – for me. It should be a celebration of something that is, not fixing something seen as “broken.” It is certainly never necessary. While it is still easy to obsess over physical imperfection, I try to keep the following personal goals in mind:
- Whether I wear a little or a lot, makeup should be a reflection of my mood and personality, not merely an imitation of someone or something else.
- While taking a little time to put on makeup can be a good moment of self-care and relaxation, I try not to take the time if it’s going to make me feel stressed, late, or cut into time reserved for something more important.
- Most importantly for me, makeup should never make me uncomfortable or be so easily ruined that I hesitate to give my family a hearty hug or kiss. That’s the personal expression I want to aim for most.
Guinevere with her au naturel beach look.
Images 1 and 2 via Wikimedia Commons
Robots to Innisfree 